The Yellow Door Life

There was only one thing I wanted for Christmas in 2021: to be free of the diseases I had been diagnosed with earlier that year.

• Hypothyroidism.
• Pulmonary Hypertension.
• Scleroderma.
• Mild Sleep Apnea. 

They are all big words that leave you with an unsatisfactory feeling in the pit of your stomach.

And I wanted so desperately to never have to say them again. 

So I prayed. For weeks leading up to Christmas, I prayed for God to cure me completely. 

I prayed to wake up on Christmas morning without any symptoms and to know that I could, without uncertainty, never take one of my prescriptions ever again.

I woke up on Christmas morning last year, and still had hypothyroidism, and pulmonary hypertension, and scleroderma, and mild sleep apnea.

I had not been cured and would still have to face each day with my diagnosis.

No Christmas miracle for me. 

It was depressing, but not unexpected, God doesn’t just up and cure everyone, so I had to keep moving through this particular journey. 

Here we are one year later and I can still say I have not been cured of my diseases, but I have started healing. 

In my last post on healing, I mentioned that the start of any healing journey is acceptance. It is acknowledging where you have failed, what has hurt, where you got lost, and where you must begin, in order to recover. 

For me, I had to accept that my path does not include Jesus himself coming down to earth and laying hands on me to free my body from disease. 

That’s too easy. If it worked that way, then we’d all be getting cured left and right, and no one would be dying of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and other PREVENTABLE illnesses.

There is a reason I emphasized preventable, but more on that later.

The idea of a cure is that someone can press a button, give you a pill to take, or otherwise instantly rid you of your disease. 

Your disease/trauma/failure did not magically appear overnight, so how do you expect that anything is ever going to cure you in the drop of a hat? 

I’ll let you in on the secret I have learned over the last year: 

You are not going to find a cure, but you sure as heck can find healing. 

As I begin to share the greater details of my journey with my diseases I want to be clear:

I am not claiming anything I have done, or plan to do, is a cure.

The medical community’s official belief is that conditions like scleroderma and pulmonary hypertension have no cure. And they are 100% correct. There is no pill you can take or treatment to complete that will take the disease away. 

There is a root cause to every single disease on this planet though, whether the medical community wants to acknowledge that or not. And no matter how many times you want to shove the word idiopathic down my throat – my stance on this is firm. This path is about starting at the root cause and working our way up. There was a hole that was dug to get us here and the way out is not a pill, it is healing, and as we know, healing hurts, and it is a lot of WORK. 

But you have the power within you to heal and my journey is about that healing and how even if I cannot rid my body completely of my diseases, I can heal as much as possible in order to still live the life I desire. 

I have challenged more doctors in the last year than I ever thought I would in my lifetime trying to get this point across. I have cried in front of them. I have shook so anxiously in my seat I thought I was going to fall right over on my ass. But I have never stopped advocating for myself. 

Now, I also want to be clear that I have respect for the doctors and nurses who work to help people. But my personal experience with doctors in regards to my diagnosis has been bleak and largely rooted in the belief that the only thing that can help me manage my conditions is pharmaceutical drugs, which is a lie. 

The purpose of this blog though is not to attack the medical community, Big Pharma, insurance companies, or any other players in the game that is healthcare in this country, but oftentimes my healing journey will point out flaws, lies, and inconsistencies in order to help you understand how I have gotten here. 

My healing journey is a continuous venture and this Christmas season, I am praying that God gives me the strength and courage to continue unwavering on this path of healing. 

And I’ll let you know now, 2023 is going to be The Year of Healing ❤