Alotness

Yes, we’ve reached the point in 2026 where I’m now making up my focus word.

Currently, it is alotness.

I just had to type my made-up word three times before Google docs would accept that I wasn’t trying to type alertness.

When added to an adjective, the suffix -ness creates a noun that means “the state, quality, or condition of.”

So, cheerfulness means in a state that is cheerful.

Alotness means I’m currently in the state where my whole life is a lot, but honestly, so is everyone else’s.

I’ve lived through several different points in history, but none have felt heavier than this.

There are more bad days than good.

There is more division, anger, jealousy, injustice, stress, ego, nepotism, and cruelty than I have ever seen or felt before.

I grieve a loss almost daily that either I, or my students, are experiencing.

It feels as if every day for the rest of the days might just be this way, and it very well could be.

What I’m learning amidst this endless struggle though is that it is still possible to find peace, even in the presence of chaos.

I quite literally have no clue where my life is headed next. I face uncertainty, and with that, I’ve been asked to trust in God more than I ever have before.

At first, I didn’t like how uncomfortable that felt – having no control, but after finally moving into the acceptance phase, I realized – I never had any control anyways.

I’ve always tried, or had to, be the leader. I’ve never let myself be led. But the more I accept it, the more peace and assurance I feel in my heart.

I don’t know how anything is going to work out.

I don’t know where my paychecks will come from after July 31st.

I don’t know where I will be living in 3 months.

I don’t know how or when my person and I are going to work it all out.

I know the world will never return to a state of “normalcy,” because how can it? Or better yet, why should it? Normalcy now seems to have always been a facade for deep, unnerving evil.

Instead of trying to feel normal again, or regain control, I’m just going to keep moving toward where I’m being led.

One of my prayers so far this weekend has been for God to help me with the alotness – not to take it away – to help me carry it, until it’s no longer mine to carry; to move through it, without losing myself in it; and most importantly, to believe in the goodness of people, despite the evil pushing in harder every day.

I also pray for all of you and that you overcome the alotness you are facing in your life.

Dear Lord, there is a lot, some days – too much, going on in this life. I pray that you send us extra grace, perseverance, and fortitude to handle what is being thrown our way. Please remind us that you are here and we do not have to walk this path alone. Help us to feel loved and purposeful as we face each new day. Thank you for helping us to make it this far. Amen.

❤