The Yellow Door Life

It has been all no’s so far. 

I wasn’t planning to buy a house on this move. I figured I should rent for a year, catch up financially and mentally, and then, buy in a year when everything has rebounded. 

But I got impatient and anxious. 

I found a property I loved and wanted to see if I could qualify. 

But I don’t. Not right now. My lender told me to wait a year. (Oh look – the original plan). 

Ok, so if I can’t buy that’s cool, I’ll just rent. 

I found a house I could see myself renting, so I inquired about it. They told me it’s a little too soon to sign a lease for June; I should wait a couple months. 

Not yet. 

These things wouldn’t ordinarily trigger me, but not only are there nothing but no’s and not yet’s on the Texas side, there is nothing but no’s and let go’s on the Tennessee side. 

Resignation. 

Purging.

Preparing the house to put on the market. 

I feel like a ping pong ball going back and forth between now and next and back again. 

Some would say (and let’s be real some have) that this decision is crazy. 

“Why would you move to Texas? What’s even in Texas?” 

I’ve heard it a lot these last couple weeks. 

I know some of what is in Texas for me, and my faith is what lets me know there is a whole lot more waiting there for me than I can even imagine. 

Even in the move to Tennessee, I never felt God leading me to a particular city or area, I just knew I had to go and I made the decision quickly. 

And it worked out, for a time. 

When I went to Texas last summer, God LED me to Waco. I can’t explain every little thing that happened. Mainly because I still don’t fully understand it all. God works in a way that I can’t fully comprehend and that’s pretty much the whole point. I asked him to show me where in Texas I should live and he laid out a yellow brick road pointing me straight home. 

It makes no sense to me yet, but there again, I’m in the no phase of this adventure. 

This week has been chaotic, upsetting, exhausting, exciting, emotional, and overstimulating. 

I was so restless tonight I drove to Franklin to go grocery shopping and to try to clear my head.

I kept running through all of the no’s and not yet’s and let go’s. 

Then it hit me: surrender. 

I’ve said it before in previous reflections, but now I’m realizing the weight of it all. I have to actually do it. I have to actually surrender EVERYTHING to God and just keep moving. 

When I think of surrendering completely, I’m reminded of the scene in the first Harry Potter movie where Harry, Ron, and Hermione are stuck in a plant called Devil’s Snare (ironic name now that I think about it) and they have to stop fighting completely in order to pass through. Total surrender. 

Unlike Harry and Hermione who chill out and get to safety pretty easily, I’m acting like Ron flailing around and definitely not relaxing. 

The key to defeating Devil’s Snare though? Sunlight. 

Sunlight is one of the many signs God sent me in Waco to let me know that he had answered my prayer. 

You see, the light always wins out in the end, so does the truth. 

Is my move to Texas wild? Sure is. But God likes to surprise me and I truly believe that if I surrender, and stop flailing around like an idiot, I’m going to pass through to safety (and hopefully a lot more). 

❤