The Yellow Door Life

I waited tables for years. 

Carrying heavy trays of food was just part of the job, and luckily, I managed to never drop one. 

Back then, I didn’t feel weak. 

After I left the restaurant life behind, I figured things would get easier at a desk job. 

Instead, it just opened a door into a different kind of stress. 

I started to put a lot of pressure on myself. 

Largely, because other people were putting pressure on me, so I added to the mix, because I’ve always been a people pleaser. 

If they are doing it, then so should I. 

That whole weight of the world on the shoulders thing seemed like a challenge rather than an Earth-sized red flag. 

I guess it shouldn’t be lost on me that the machine I struggle with the most since I started strength training is the shoulder press. 

You would think my shoulders would be built tougher by now, but it turns out they are burnt out and weak. 

Years of physical and emotional stress on my shoulders has left me lacking in more ways than one. 

It took me a month to be able to get two full sets in on the shoulder press without taking a break in the middle of a set. 

Without fail, or rather with it, I upped my weight tonight and I had to stop after the exact same rep in the second set. 

#9.

I can get through one set fine, but then I can only get 9 out of my 15 reps on the second set without stopping.

It was the same when I first started. 

I know I will push through it and eventually be able to complete my two full sets, but I just find it ironic this is the only exercise this happens with. The only one. 

Going to the gym is helping me to unlock a lot of information about my body and where I hold the reality of my trauma. 

I can feel strength in my legs from all my hiking. 

I can feel tension as I stretch out muscles that hadn’t been worked for years. 

I can also feel weakness in places of my body where I held onto too much for too long. 

I firmly believe we uncover missing pieces of our proverbial life puzzle when we need them most, and right now, the gym is mine. 

I have found such sanctuary there and tools to help me heal parts of myself I didn’t even know were broken. 

❤