Advent: Week 2

There is a moment at about 2:57 every school day where I feel this overwhelming change in my psyche.

For 7.5 hours, I have been asked tons of questions, heard my name endlessly called, and had very few breaks without some kind of noise.

But at 2:57, the final bell has rung, the hallways are clear of students, and suddenly my body is in silence.

It is a strange and sudden shift. Complete overstimulation to none.

I go through this every day and learn to shift between the two extremes.

Some days, I have to drive home in silence too, just to allow myself some extra recovery time.

This is also how Advent and the Christmas season feels compared to the rest of the year. Usually, this season seems louder, with all there is to do and decorate and buy. This year is different though.

I no longer care about all that stuff anymore.

It’s not to say that I hate decorating or shopping, I still enjoy those things in moderation, but I used to LOVE them and used them as coping mechanisms to deal with the other areas in my life that were unfulfilling.

My focus used to be only on those things.

Making Christmas bigger and more elaborate than the year before.

I opened a Target credit card while I was married, just to buy gifts for Christmas for his family.

But over the last few years, and especially this one, I realized how ridiculous commercial Christmas is. I’ve spent the last couple weeks selling random items that I accumulated over all those years for Christmas that I never really needed to begin with – they were just something to wrap and put under the tree.

More piles.

This week – the silence has reminded me of how much noise used to be part of my life. Physical noise, emotional.

Now, the silence has become a safe space amidst the chaos and a place where I have found God and myself.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Christmas is about purpose – place – people. It’s about finding meaning in a world full of noise; not adding noise to it.

That’s where the Grinch had it right – all that noise was obnoxious.

I sit in silence this Advent – preparing for an unknown future, but what I do know is that I will never let my life become about noise again.

❤