The Yellow Door Life

When I worked at Village Inn, we were all required to work a shift on each major holiday, including Black Friday.

I was an opener, which meant I had to be at work usually by five-thirty in the morning, at the latest, in order to get everything on the line set up, coffee brewed, and all the lights and TVs turned on. 

I always dreaded Black Friday opening shifts, because there would inevitably be someone who was already wired, ready to hit sales at Kohls and other nearby stores, expecting to get in the door before we were even open. 

I would pull into the parking lot behind the kitchen and see these eager customers sitting with their cars running in the main parking lot. 

It would stress me out. That 30 minutes of prep time was supposed to be my wake up time. My safe space before I had to deal with people. 

I remember one year, on a morning just like that, I got out of my car, and someone tried to come into the building at the same time as me. I politely told him we didn’t open till 6. He rolled his eyes and walked back to his car. 

Since then, my Black Fridays have all looked different. Some I spent shopping. Some I slept in. But this year was definitely a first. 

Today, I got up, ate breakfast, and went to the gym. 

Now, this was only my fourth time going to the gym since I started this whole new adventure, so I’m not trying to brag by any means, but for me, this is significant growth. 

Discipline is what I have always struggled with the most when attempting any goal, especially around the holidays. 

Most people are gearing up for the biggest eating season of the year, while I’m clinging desperately to my motivation to finally complete my nutrition protocol successfully for the first time. 

With all my doctors’ appointments and planned events this week, it made eating clean very difficult, but I can’t give up. 

I have to keep reminding myself: a few rough days doesn’t have to completely derail progress.

So, I locked back in, even though I didn’t feel up to the challenge. 

I got to the parking lot, realized I forgot my headphones at home, and almost thought about going back to get them. 

Then, I wondered, “will I actually come back if I go get them now? What if the gym is busier by the time I get back?”

So I didn’t. 

I did my whole workout uncomfortably, sans music. 

But I did it. 

The path to alignment is a journey I haven’t successfully finished yet.

I keep trying, but then, in worrying that I’m going to fail, I give up, so I actually do fail. 

It’s a vicious cycle. 

But I told myself this time had to be different.

This is the one. 

It hurts like hell. I won’t lie.

I’m anxious. I’m struggling. I’m just focusing on discipline, so the loneliness of this season doesn’t win out. 

Tis the season to be jolly. Well I’m going to find my jolly in here. 

Preparing. 

Now, I’ll remember Black Friday as the day where I chose resistance over ease.

I’ll also never forget to bring headphones to the gym again.

❤