Lemons

Coming back from any trip takes some adjusting, but I definitely was not ready for how quickly the mere 6 days off I gave myself between driving home from Colorado and landing in my first day of professional development would go by.

It almost seemed like summer didn’t even happen – like it was all a dream. But it is over nonetheless, and my school year has officially begun.

This year is incredibly special to me, it is also going to be one of my greatest challenges yet.

If I were to pick one word to describe the current season of my life it is: bittersweet.

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Spiritually and emotionally, I feel depleted. Going back to Colorado in and of itself was bittersweet. Here was this place, the only home I had ever known for most of my life, and the second I crossed the border into it after 3 years, I wanted to turn around. I could tell breathing there was going to be difficult and I honestly didn’t know that I wanted to face any of the things I had left behind. I also had high hopes for that road trip in general, I thought it would give me the answers to some big questions, but in reality, it just reminded me about how important it is to keep moving forward.

Professionally, I have a year ahead of me full of opportunities for growth as a teacher and leader, as well as the absolute blessing of being with my first group of students during their 8th grade, and final, year of middle school. My heart is beyond full already after my first week. These kids feel like my own and I genuinely can’t put into words how much joy I have right now stepping into work every day.

The bittersweet part is I have 10 months with them.

10 more months to teach them ELA and Science. 10 more months to help prepare them for high school and the rapidly approaching real world. 10 more months before I really have to let go and let them become who they are meant to be.

It’s no coincidence that I ended up with them this year.

The year I had them in 6th grade was difficult. I was a first-year teacher, starting the year late, and it took time just for the kids to trust me. Tons of unforeseen non-sense happened in 6th grade that year and these kids ended up paying the price. By the time May rolled around, I kept wishing I had more time. I knew I had more to teach them.

So this year isn’t random, it’s an answer to a prayer.

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Physically, it’s time for me to put my head down and do work. I was diagnosed with my conditions 4 years ago and while I have made some serious improvements, the work I came here to do keeps getting stalled. I keep falling off the wagon. I keep getting discouraged. Well, that’s over. Going back to Colorado not only showed me how important it was for me to move on to a place where I could breathe better, it also challenged me to get myself to the place I have always believed I could get. A place, perhaps, that involves less medications, or reduces my need for oxygen. Perhaps, even a place where Colorado could be more tolerable (in small doses of course).

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Waiting is bittersweet.

And I have been waiting for many years now, for one thing or another.

Recently, lemons have been popping up everywhere. In social media posts, in songs.

The thing about lemons though is they aren’t bad.

We make it sound like being given lemons is terrible, when in reality, it just takes a little creativity to bring lemons to life and get them to their full potential.

So whether it’s lemonade, or a nice cup of hot tea, the lemons are there to give life flavor, not to complicate it.

I’m not sure what lemons you got handed today, or will tomorrow, but I’m going to use mine to make life more interesting.

Cause seriously, there is no use crying over lemons anymore.