The Yellow Door Life

When I start praying, sometimes I know exactly what I’m about to ask for. I have a problem I am trying to solve. An unresolved issue keeping me awake. I have a new challenge before me and I need help to overcome it. Those prayers are pretty straightforward. No surprises.

Then, there are prayers that come to me out of nowhere. Things that I begin to ask for not knowing they are the exact things I need at that moment. 

On the way to work last week, I was praying for the strength and patience to get through state testing. Ask any teacher and he/she will tell you, testing is boring, long, sometimes stressful, and annoying. It is a required frustration of being a teacher. 

As I was praying, I said to God, “I really just need your help to show up the rest of this year.”

Show Up. 

The prayer I didn’t know I needed. 

Sure, there is the actual act of showing up and not using one of my many sick days that I have stockpiled, but there is another kind of showing up that I think this prayer was actually evoking. 

It’s easy to get sidetracked in the world of middle school. Between adults and children, I have to keep a level-head to survive the daily grind. Am I perfect at it? Heck no. Anyone in my building can attest to just how much life there is in my lungs, despite my deficits, with how loud I can still raise my voice. 

Just because I’m a teacher, doesn’t mean my emotions turn off at the door. Students have seen me laugh, cry, yell, shut down, and act goofier than all giddy up. I know it is important for us as educators to maintain balance in the classroom, but we are also human beings and some days that humanness shows. 

The part that matters most though is the showing up. 

The kids know when I am struggling, but they encourage me through it, just like I do with them. They see me showing up despite the exhaustion, uncertainty, and pain going on in my own life. They don’t shy away from me being human, they embrace it. They would rather see me at my worst, than not see me at all. That is a form of unconditional love that I didn’t even realize existed. 

The showing up goes for all parts of life though, not just my classroom. 

Do I feel like working on my to-do list every day? No. But if I show up and do even one thing. That’s progress.

One chore.

One prayer.

One chapter in a book.

One module on iTeach. 

One hike. 

Sometimes, showing up is tiny.

Sometimes, it’s huge. 

Sometimes, showing up means not showing up at all, so you can rest and reset. 

The most important thing is that you do it. Even if it doesn’t seem like enough.

Showing up a tiny bit is better than not showing up at all. 

So today, and all days, Lord, please help me to show up.

❤